Let's start with introductions. I'm John, 19, originally from Leeds but currently living in Birmingham about to start my first year in Physics with Astrophysics. I enjoy climbing and reading. I'd like to say I'm outdoorsy but I do spend a disproportion amount of time on my computer.
Anyway, I decided to start writing this today as I'm bored. It's half 11 on a Friday night during the first week of Freshers and I've found myself sat alone in my room. Depressing huh. You're telling me. I won't go too much into it though, it's not the first time this week.
It's not from me not being social. It's down to money. And not even a lack of it. Just spending it in all the wrong places. But I digress. It's 23:34 and I'm in my room.
Knowing no one will read this I think I can safely write about pointless stuff. It's been a hectic week regardless of the slow nights. Inductions, introductions, society fairs, mailing lists, chaos everywhere, and where possible, the nights of drinking. In all honesty, I don't think I'm cut out for the drinking.
Again, not because I don't like drinking. In fact, I really do like drinking. I know people are supposed to hide that or feel some shame but I'm talking to strangers on the internet so I can say it. I like drinking. It's my turn off. I sit all day, my brain constantly thinking, whizzing with ideas of anxiety about social interactions. Drinking helps me stop. With a group of people, drinking allows me to be the confident man I just can't be sober. The guy who can let loose, not think about how some aspect of the world works or what's going on. I can do things I just can't in everyday circumstances.
I think the biggest one I always consider is the dancing. I'm not a dancer normally but come the beers I can jump to my hearts content and I fucking love it. I'm so ridged all day, every day, every moment. I can just let go. But now, everyone's gone out, dressed in their finest for an evening of wining and dining (or tequila and McDonalds, whatever floats their boat), and I'm here, left with the thoughts that haunt me. Left in the knowledge that there's nothing I can do until tomorrow that can get rid of these plaguing thoughts that control me, as I hear people stumble pass my window throughout the night.
I guess that's my introduction, start with the truth, hopefully I'll blog here soon. Hopefully a bit more cheery. But until then, I will sit here, and let the night pass me by.
No worries.
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